


Till death do us part

by bubblekois



Category: yuri on ice
Genre: Flashbacks, Fluff, Implied Deaths, M/M, Victor is worried, Yuuri has anxiety, Yuuri is very secrative[, Yuuri kinda has an eating disorder, please dont hate me, possible trigger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 18:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9561425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblekois/pseuds/bubblekois
Summary: "I remember how whenever you smiled, my heart just grew 10x larger.  I remember how whenever you were searching for something your eyes would sparkle.  And how whenever you got drunk, your nose scrunched up slightly and it almost looked like a little piglet.  I remember how your hair smelled like cherry blossoms." Victor sighed staring up at the setting sun."You know I shaved and showered and got my hair cut and everything for this." Victor tried to laugh, but it became more of a huff."Where did I go wrong Yuuri?





	

Victor had decided that after one more year of competing, he would retire and coach Yuuri until he decided to retire.

 

Yuuri was excited when Victor had told him the news, but at the same time, he felt guilty.

 

Of course, Victor reassured him that this was completely Victor's choice, and even if Yuuri was not around, he would have still retired even thought Victor knew that was not the case.

_e_

* * *

 

 

_He wanted to watch Yuuri succeed. But he couldn't do that with him competing, besides he only had a year or two left that he would even be eligible and other skaters should get a chance to shine._

  
_"I'm getting old любовь моя." Victor laughed as he hugged Yuuri's chest while Yuuri untied his ice skates and placed them into their container._

_"Victor you are 29 years old, you are not old at all." Yuuri groaned and struggled out of Victor's grip._

_"Exactly, I'm 29, and not even married~" Victor winked at Yuuri as he turned to face Victor who was now leaning against the rail of the ice rink._

_"Well, maybe you should get married." Yuuri playfully shot back as he picked up his skating bag and walked towards the older man._

_"Oh, but who could I ever sucker into marrying me?" Victor said nonchalantly, side glancing at Yuuri, "Only someone really dumb would ever marry me."_

_"I know right? I mean I'm sorry for the poor sucker that will fall in love with you one day." Yuuri said while coming up to Victor, their faces inches apart._

_"You better wish them some luck, they're gonna need it with me," Victor responded while draping his arms around Yuuris waist pulling their bodies together so their foreheads were touching and their mouths were only inches apart._

_"I definitely will," Yuuri said looking up at Victor with hooded eyelids._

_Victor pulled Yuuri to him bringing them together into a kiss, It wasn't rough, It was gentle. Over the past few months, Victor had realized that when it came to their romantic life, Yuuri always preferred gentleness, and very rarely went rough, Victor respected that, he honestly didn't care how Yuuri kissed him as long as it was him and only him._

_Yuuri pulled away slowly, falling down onto his heels and grabbed his skating bag before pulling Victor along with him out of Ice castle._

 

* * *

 

  
About a month after it had all happened, he realized that he was quite pathetic.

 

He still lived in Hasetsu.

 

The Katsukis made no attempt to make Victor leave, they fed him, they let him use the onsen, they were the closest thing to family that Victor had

 

He still slept in Yuuri's bed.

 

He still would take clothes out of his closet and put them on or just hug them because it was the only way he could find Yuuri's smell.

 

It's not creepy at all.

 

Yuuri smelled like the Onsen and the ice rink, and he smelled like Pork cutlet bowls, and when they would sleep, Victor would bury his head into Yuuris hair and he smelled like cherry blossoms.

 

And when Victor would go into Yuuris closet after one piece of clothing no longer smelled like him, he would occasionally find a hat, and he would smell those cherry blossoms, and he would cry.

 

He would cry while holding a small hat because it smelled like fucking cherry blossoms and Yuuri smelled like fucking cherry blossoms and why oh why dear GOD did Yuuri have to smell like cherry blossoms.

 

Once, Victor tried to skate again.

 

He packed up his skates, rode his bike down to Ice castle, Yuuko didn't even question him, just handed him a key and let him through.

 

Victor laced up his skates, pulled his gloves on, walked out into the ice rink, got up to the entrance of the ice, and stepped on.

 

He was fine, this was fine.

 

He skated around a small amount, doing simple moves like a set of twizzles, a few simple scratch spins and a few sit spins, he even managed to do a double toe-loop.

 

He had played music while doing this because he always hated the silence, the way it stood heavy in the air, waiting for you to crack through it.

 

It wasn't until he realized that Yuuris short program music was playing.

 

He remembers when he had kissed Yuuri on National television when Yuuri agreed to let Victor be his coach for another year.

 

He collapsed to the ground, sobs coming out of his thought in quite chokes, salty tears streamed down his cheeks.

 

After he gained his composure, he got up and glided to the exit, stepping off the ice.

 

He never returned to ice castle again.

 

* * *

 

 

_They decided that they were going to have the wedding next year after the Grand Prix Final._

_They were going to have it in Hasetsu, down by the beach._

_They decided that they would wear matching tuxedos, but Yuuris would be white, while Victor's would be black._

_Yuuko's daughters would be the flower girls._

  
_And if they could train him, they would get Makkachin to be the ring bearer._

 

It was Yuuris idea, surprisingly. When Yuuri had mentioned the idea, Victor thought it was the best idea in the world.

 

They were going to have the reception at the Onsen.

 

Phichit would be Yuuri's best man, while Chris would be Victors.

 

Victor thought it was perfect, It couldn't get any better than it was.

 

A perfect wedding for him and Yuuri.

 

 

Victor knew it was pathetic, he hadn't eaten in 2 days, hadn't showered in a week, the only reason he had gone outside this week was because he didn't want to have to deal with makkachin pooping inside.

 

Yurio had given up trying to get some response from him.

 

It always ended with one of them screaming and Yurio storming out of Victor's apartment.

 

The first few months after it had all happened, when Victor had come back to St. Petersburg, Mila would come over occasionally and would clean up a little to prevent Victor from living in an actual trash heap.

 

That routine was long gone.

 

Victor stared at the poodle laying in his lap currently listening to the music in the background.

 

The wind began to blow around and Victor remembered that he had opened the window a few days ago.

 

As the small breeze blew through the dark apartment, he realized how late it was and decided he might as well head to bed.

 

Makkachin followed behind closely in his tracks, the small clicks of his toes against the wooden floor echoed throughout the empty home.

 

Victor stepped into the bathroom to get a glass of water before heading to bed.

 

It was only when he caught a glimpse of himself in his mirror that he realized how terrible he looked.

 

His once bright, soft skin was now a dull gray, his face was dry and slightly sunken in, his lips were dry and cracked, and his once striking blue eyes now resembles murky bath water.

 

His hair had grown out, but the once shiny silver had fled and been replaced with an almost grayish color, and its thick and soft texture was now thin and brittle, once a few days ago, when he decided to brush it, a clump of hair, about the size of a quarter, had came out.

 

He didn't care anymore.

 

Why should he?

  

* * *

 

_Something had been off about Yuuri lately._

_He and Yuuri were not as close currently, any time Victor would try to become intimate with Yuuri, Yuuri would push him away and would return to Ice castle or to Minako's ballet studio._

_He knew the pressure of the upcoming Grand Prix combined with the pressure of the wedding would stress him out, but Yuuri was acting a little too strange._

_Yesterday, Victor requested that Hiroko made Katsudon for Yuuri, but not tell Yuuri._

_Victor was hoping that Yuuri would come with Victor to the beach for an evening stroll, they hadn't really been out together in a couple weeks._

_When Victor knocked on Yuuris door, he heard a sort of yelp, followed by a crash, and then Yuuri's head peering through the slit of him opening the door._

_"Yes, Victor?" Yuuri said in a feverish tone._

_"Um, I uh got your mom to make Katsudon?_ Your _favorite." Victor said slightly taken back by the string of events previously heard. 'What is he doing in there?'_

_"Oh uh, thank you,_ Victor,, _eto- i-_ Ill _take take." Yuuri stuttered while reaching one arm through the door to grasp the bowl and pull it back in._

_"Um so I was thinking, the sunset looks really pretty right now, and I was thinking we could maybe go for a stroll down the beach with Makkachin?" Victor said hopefully._

_"Oh, um, I'm not feeling too good right now, maybe tomorrow?" Yuuri muttered while shutting the door._

_"Oh, Ok, ya sure," Victor responded quietly while still pressing his head to the door._

_He tried to listen inside, but he couldn't hear anything._

_Later that night when Victor came into their room, Yuuri was already asleep, his body slowly rising and falling steadily._

_The bed dipped as Victor moved next to Yuuri, Yuuri felt Victor move into the bed and turned over to face Victor._

_Victor chuckled lightly as Yuuri lazily tucked his head into the crook under Victor's chin, Victor wrapped one arm over Yuuri's side, resting it in the bend of Yuuris hip. As he did this, he traced small figure 8's around Yuuris skin, feeling the bone of Yuuris hip poke out slightly._

_'Strange, that's never been too prominent' Victor thought to himself._

_'But Yuuri has been training a lot lately so he's probably just getting a little thinner.'_

_Victor wished they could stay like this forever, their bodies intertwined, fitting together perfectly, like they were made specifically for_ eachother _._

_That night Victor fell asleep dreaming of his and Yuuris wedding._

* * *

 

  
Victor shot up out of the bed dripping in a cold sweat.

 

His skin prickled at the feeling of the cool Russian air surrounding him.

 

Makkachin shot up two feeling his owner wake up.

 

Victor's chest was heaving, and his entire body was shaking from a combination of the cold and his dream. He pushed a strand of sweat soaked hair away from his eyes.

 

He had had this dream before, the first time he had it, it was happy.

 

It was their wedding day, everything was perfect, Victor looked nice, Yuuri looked perfect, the white suit he wore stood out with the contrast in his raven hair that was now slicked back into a look similar to the way he wore his hair during competitions. It looked perfect

 

The sun was setting above them, painting the sky with different shades of purples and reds and oranges and pinks, it looked like a beautiful watercolor painting.

 

But now the dream had changed.

 

Instead of Yuuri walking down the aisle with a look of love and adoration, he walked down with a look of hatred and sadness, everyone around him had the same look of disgust.

  
As Yuuri reached the alter to say vows, he pulled a gun out of his suit pocket and shot himself in the head, his corpse falling forward into Victor's arms. Victor could do nothing but watch as his Fiance died in his arms, as the life faded from his eyes, his last words came out in barely a whisper.

  
"Why didn't you help me?" As his body fell limp.

 

Victor screamed for help, but everyone just stood there, all chanting the same phrase.

 

  
"Why didn't you help him? Why didn't you help him? Why didn't you help him." The words rang in his head.

 

Victor sobbed loudly.

 

He sobbed until his tear ducts had run dry, and his throat was raw from his screams for Yuuri during nightmares, each one ending the same, Yuuri dying in his arms and Victor being able to do nothing except watch.

 

There were times he would cry for no real reason.

 

He would see a black bird and begin to cry because Yuuris hair was black.

 

He would just cry, he would spend minutes to hours in his pathetic worthless life of sobbing and shouting for Yuuri hoping, praying, that this all has been some sick twisted dream or trick played on him.

 

Over time he wouldn't cry, just silently sob. No tears came from his eyes, he would just sit there and silently cry.

 

* * *

 

_Yuuri didn't understand it either. He understood it as much as Victor did._

_He couldn't understand why, but he just slowly dipped lower and lower._

_It could very well just be from the stress and pressure he has about the Grand Prix. It began in 2 months._

  
_Victor had said that they will get married if Yuuri wins Gold._

_He was probably just joking, but Yuuri didn't want to take any real risks._

_He tied his shoes and stretched slightly before preparing to run to Ice Castle._

_Lately, he had been practicing more than ever._

  
_True, it did annoy both him and Victor, but he needed to be perfect for this, how else would he win gold?_

_So he practiced as much as his body could take, and then he would practice once more._

_He and Victor did still go on dates occasionally._

_Once, Victor had gotten extremely worried about Yuuri because they went out for their anniversary and Yuuri ate too much and puked._

_It wasn't the puking that worried him so much as the amount that he ate._

_They went out to a high-end Italian restaurant, Yuuri had ordered a pesto pasta and they shared a bottle of red wine._

_Yuuri had gotten through about 1/2 of the bowl that was not much larger than some of the bowls of Katsudon_ _that Yuuri and Victor had eaten many times before._

_Yuuri had to go to the bathroom and threw up while in there which sent him into a panic attack because there was a man in there when it happened and he was worried the man was going to tell the manager or something._

_Victor place enough Yen on the table to pay for meal plus more for a tip and the inconvenience._

_When they had gotten out of the restaurant, Victor carried Yuuri home because Yuuri was still shaking and crying._

_Yuuri leaned his head against Victor's chest, hearing the slow thump~thump~thump in his chest. It was calming. Between the dark sky above glittered with thousands of stars along with the cool breeze and the heat from Victor's body, Yuuri began to drift off to sleep._

_Victor tried not to worry too much. He understood Yuuri was trying to keep his weight under control, but he couldn't help the fears that stood out screaming in the back of his head._

_'You need to talk to him'_

_'He's not Ok'_

_'Something will happen if you do not talk to him'_

_His own mind nagged him as they reached the entrance to Yu-Topia._

_"How are you feeling моя любовь?" Victor cooed into Yuuris ear, nuzzling him awake._

_"Tir-ed," Yuuri said quietly between a yawn._

_"Ok then," Victor said while smiling down and the smaller man in his arms, now that he's really checking, Yuuri has gotten fairly light, Victor wasn't exactly weak, but He wasn't exactly strong either, and Yuuri was pretty easy to carry._

_When they reached their room, Victor sat him down so he was sitting up._

_He stripped Yuuri down to his underwear and put a t-shirt on him before laying him down in the bed and_ following _suit. He moved in behind Yuuri and draped his arm around the smaller man, pulling him close under the covers of their small bed._

_Makkachin jumped up onto the bed and laid down by the curve of Yuuris legs._

 

* * *

 

  
That morning, Victor awoke the echoing noise of his door being knocked.

 

He glanced over at his clock and groaned when he read 6:37 am.

 

"Who the hell is knocking at my door at 6:30 in the morning," Victor growled looking towards the ceiling.

 

The still 1/2 asleep and now 1/2 pissed man slid out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweatpants laying by the doorway.

 

When he opened the door, he was greeted by a short, slightly chubby lady with a grin way to wide for this early in the morning.

 

"Hello, is Mr. Victor Nikiforov here?" She asked, her voice thick with a Russian accent.

 

"Right here." He said, voice gravely and slow.

 

The lady handed him an envelope before turning and leaving.

 

He stared down at it, it was simple and white, all it had written on it was Victor in simple rounded print.

 

He looked down at Makkachin who barked at him happily before trotting away to jump on the couch.

 

Victor followed the large dog and positioned on the couch with Makkachin sitting comfortably like this.

 

Ripping the envelope open, he discarded the container of the letter and opened the sheet paper.

 

As his eyes skimmed the paper, his breath hitched in his throat as tears prickled in the corner of his eyes.

 

 

WARNING IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY THINGS HAVING TO DO WITH EATING DISORDERS AND DEPRESSION AND STUFF, DO NOT READ THIS SECTION

 

 _As Yuuri jogged up the final steps of the entrance way to Yu-_ topia _, he collapsed to the ground, huffing out in shallow breaths._

_Yes he totally is going to eat once he gets inside, he did eat this morning, but all that Yuuri had was a small orange because he hasn't gone shopping in a few days and only had oranges and apples. Plus his parents didn't have much in the 'healthy' department. Yuuri's parent's definition of healthy, besides fruit, is eating only 1/2 a portion of Katsudon instead of a full portion._

_He stood back up, legs wobbling slightly before entering Yu-_ topia _. As he entered, he was splashed with the scent of Katsudon leaking throughout the building. The smell made Yuuri's head throb and made his vision blur slightly._

_He walked into the kitchen and saw his parents both cooking and Victor standing near them, watching_ intensley _._

_"Oh hello Yuuri~" Victor purred as he walked towards Yuuri and pulled him into a quick kiss, then walked to stand behind him and hooked their hands together. Yuuri smiled slightly and walked towards their fruit basket, pulling a bright red apple and bit into it, waddling along as Victor kept his hands positioned still intertwined with his own._

_"Yuuri would you like some?" His mom inquired, pointing to the dish she was cooking currently. Yuuris mouth watered at the thought of Katsudon, He hadn't eaten it since they returned after the Grand Prix last year. But he can't._

_'I have to win before I_ can _' He thought._

_"Ya sure, but can I bring it to my room, I wanna chat with Phichit," Yuuri said hopefully._

_"Yes of course honey." Mrs. Katsuki said and smiled at the couple and handed a large bowl to Yuuri and one to Victor also. Yuuri walked down to his room and plopped down, finishing the remaining apple he still had._

_He stared at the bowl of comfort food in front of him, debating whether it was worth it._

_'Sure_ Its _like heaven in the form of food, but I only burned like 1000 calories today? maybe only 900, ugh I can't remember, but Katsudon has like 5000 calories probably? Ya he was at a deficit,_ luckly _, but he'll just eat later, Katsudon is too much, they probably have some ramen, or he can go get some.'_

_Yuuri laid down on the bed, he decided he would just throw it away, they'll never know. He curled up under the covers of his and Victors bed and fell asleep within seconds._

___________

_Later when he awoke, everyone in the building was asleep, Victor laid peacefully next to him on his back. Yuuri sat up, skin prickling at the cool air._

_He stood up off the bed and tip-toed towards his desk, being careful of the lump of dog that slept on the floor._

_Rummaging through the piles of paper building on his desk, he found the sheet he was searching for._

_Yuuri walked down through the silent halls of the building and through towards the kitchen. He grabbed the other item he needed, pacing back to the bathroom._

_He set the device up and stepped up onto the toilet seat cover._

_'Am I really doing this?' Yuuri asked himself as he set the final_ peice _in place._

_'You know you want to.' The voice in the back of his head whispered._

Odly _enough, he knew it was right._

_3..._

_Yuuri shut his eyes_

_2..._

_'I'll see you later'_

_1..._

_'I love you Victor'_

________________

_Victor woke up to the sound of Makkachin pacing._

_When he rose from laying down, he realized the absence of a certain warm body._

_'Where is Yuuri?' Victor wondered._

_He let Makkachin out of their room who then proceeded to run straight towards the kitchen._

_"What is it Makkachin? Do you know where Yuuri is." Victor asked Makkachin cocked his head to the side staring up at Victor._

_"I'm not taking you for a walk at 5 am Makkachin, not gonna happen." Victor laughed and began to walk back to their room. On the way back Victor noticed a light off to the right._

_'Yuuri is in the bathroom?'_

_'Why for so long?'_

_Victor walked towards the bathroom door, curiosity increasing._

 

_'Maybe Yuuri went to the bathroom then went for a walk and just forgot to shut off the lights'  Victor thought as he neared the door._

 

_When he turned the corner his heart stopped._

 

_All life stopped._

 

_The stars fell from the sky._

 

_Happiness was wiped from the world._

 

_Yuuri._

 

_Yuuri_

 

_'Yuuri'_  
  


_'Yuuri!'_

 

_"YUURI!"  Victor screamed as he fell to his knees._

 

_"Yuuri what Yuuri respond to me Yuuri! YUURI! Victor couldn't breathe, he couldn't think straight._

 

_Yuuris parents rushed in to see what Victor was screaming about, both began to sob when they saw the sight._

 

_Victor crawled towards Yuuri, hugging at his legs, pulling down, praying for a reaction._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Nothing_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Victor stood up and placed his head against Yuuri's chest, checking for a heartbeat_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Nothing_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Victor fell to the ground grasping for Makkachin and sobbed into her fur._

 

_Yuuri's parents held onto each other and cried together._

 

_Mari, who woke up last from the commotion, stood next to Mrs. Katsuki, hugging her while silently crying._

 

_After Victor had stopped crying, he stood up and attempted to untie Yuuri.  When he had freed him, Victor took Yuuri in his arms and sat down on the floor against the wall cradling Yuuri with Yuuris head on his chest._

_Makkachin tried to join and put her head on Victor's legs._

 

_Victor didn't move for 3 hours._

 

_When his entire body had gone numb from staying like that for too long, Victor placed Yuuri on the floor gently and stood up, grabbing the letter sitting on the sink._

_Mari_

_Mom, Dad_

_Victor_

_He took the letter into the kitchen and placed it onto the table then turned and laid down in his bed with Makkachin._

 

* * *

 

 

Victors hands shook as he opened the old letter.

 

_Mom, Dad_

_You two were the best parents I could have ever asked for, this was not your fault, never think it was, this was my own fault._

_I love you both so much more than you may think._

_I know it hurts, but I promise it will get better_

_I ask you one thing now that I am gone, please bury my on or near the beach._

_That is all I request._

 

_Mari_

_You were an amazing big sister._

_I can't imagine my life without you._

_You always stood by my side and always supported the decisions I made._

 

_And Victor._

_Dear Victor,_

_How can I thank you for everything that you have done for me?_

_I know it seems hard right now,_

_but I promise it will get easier._

_I'm sorry I couldn't stay strong enough for you._

_I wasn't enough for you, you deserve so much more_

 

Dont say that Yuuri, you know that's not true _  
_

 

_Let me explain what happened, please?_

_I realize that this seems like such a sudden thing, but I don't think it is?_

_I needed to lose weight or at least control my eating because as you know, I have quite the issue with overeating._

_Then came the anxiety._

_I had anxiety attacks every day._

_I didn't want to worry you with them, and I know that its better that I didn't tell you._

_I didnt want to burden you with my worried when you had the wedding and other things to worry about_

 

But its not Yuuri, its not where near closer to better

 

_And I know you will move one._

_You will grow old,_

_And have children_

_And have Grandchildren_

_And you will be happy_

_Have the life you would wouldn't have been able to have with my depressing ass_

_Alright?_

Victor broke down, He couldn't stop crying.

 

'What ever made Yuuri think I would be happier without him!?'

 

Victor couldn't tell if he was more angry or sad.

 

He curled up on the couch with Makkachin next to him and drifted off to sleep holding the last peice of clothing that he had that contained Yuuris smell close to his nose.

 

'Cherry blossoms' he thought.

 

* * *

 

 

"I remember how whenever you smiled, my heart just grew 10x larger.  I remember how whenever you were searching for something your eyes would sparkle.  And how whenever you got drunk, your nose scrunched up slightly and it almost looked like a little piglet.  I remember how your hair smelled like cherry blossoms." Victor sighed staring up at the setting sun.

  
"You know I shaved and showered and got my hair cut and everything for this." Victor tried to laugh, but it became more of a huff.

 

"Where did I go wrong Yuuri?  I need you. I can't do this myself.  I was supposed to protect you, I was supposed to be there for you." Victor choked out and wiped away the tears streaming down his face

 

"What did I do!  Why didn't I know!" Victor screamed.

 

"Didn't we say forever and alway?" Victor squinted at the sun and stood up as he placed the bouquet of fresh forget-me-nots on Yuuri's gravestone.

 

"In sickness and in health." Victor kissed the gravestone and then backed away.

 

"Till death do us part."  Victor choked out the last part as he pulled a fresh pistol from his coat pocket.

 

"I do Yuuri." He pointed the gun towards his head.

 

"I do."

 

**_Boom_ **

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> IM SORRY  
> also  
> the flowers victor places on yuuris grave are forget-me-nots which symbolize true love


End file.
